The People Pleaser’s First Aid Kit
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If your desire to make a positive impact on others tips over into people-pleasing, trust me, you’re not alone. Which is why I’ve made this free 4-part 50-minute video course, The People Pleaser’s First Aid Kit!
Scroll down for MP3s and transcripts, and I hope it brings you insights and relief <3
In this introduction to The People Pleaser's First-Aid Kit, we'll be looking at some of the reasons why we people-please.
These include being afraid of rejection or conflict, growing up in households where it was not okay to say no, attaching our ability to help others to our self-worth, and losing touch with our own needs.
Whatever the reason, you're not alone!
In this second video I introduce you to three helpful questions to ask yourself when you're asked for help - or feel the impulse to help.
The first question is about whether the person actually needs help. The second is about whether we're the best person to help them. And the third helps us to set boundaries and avoid overextending ourselves.
Hopefully these questions will give you a moment's pause, a brief check-in so you can tune into what's right for you - and the other person.
In this third video, I'll start to explore how we can change our people-pleasing habits.
I talk about the importance of noticing your triggers, practising saying no, having some stock phrases ready to use, being direct and assertive, and remembering that you're not responsible for other people's feelings.
In this final video, I'll start to explore how we can soothe ourselves while we learn how to reduce our people-pleasing tendencies.
I talk about how not everyone will respond to our reduction in people-pleasing activities, appreciating what part of their disappointment is our to manage, take you through an exercise to bring relief called Dropping Anchor, and then talk about how people-pleasing can sometimes be a way for us to avoid our own difficult emotions.
Bonus video on Dropping Anchor, using the work of Russ Harris. Free audios are available from Russ here, and a useful infographic is available here)
You don’t need to do this on your own.
People-pleasing can be a source of shame for many of us.
Often associated with seeking approval, being inauthentic, and even manipulation, it stems from feeling unsafe, unacceptable, and unwanted.
Overcoming it takes safety, skills, and practice.
Each one-hour coaching session gives you the chance to explore all three.
Want to understand your people-pleasing more? Download this free self-assessment questionnaire.
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